Anger is suffering. If you are angry for any reason you are choosing to suffer. Pain is a natural part of life but suffering is a choice. I know you really don't want to hear this, especially if someone has done you wrong, but if you are holding on to anger towards someone or something, for any reason at all, you are the one who is suffering the most. Don't believe me? Check in with your feelings, how does that anger feel? How well do you sleep at night when you are angry? How does your family act around you? And how does your body feel- your blood pressure, your digestion, headaches or backaches? How about sharp pains in your side or the lump in your throat?
Anger shows up viscerally - it produces very real physical reactions in the body. In fact when you are angry your body has a two stage production of the neurotransmitters called catecholamines (aka adrenaline). Basically these neurotransmitters are the gasoline to the rage fire. You get an initial surge of these neurotransmitters for immediate action then the second surge can lasts for hours to days. And that is just from one anger response. What happens if you are angry a lot? That means you are constantly pumping adrenaline into your body and I have talked before what that does- breaks down the immune system and causes pain. Secondly, anger is the emotion tied with high blood pressure. It's a result of the ongoing "fight or flight" response. Studies show that "hot headed" people or people who suppress their anger suffer the most heart attacks. It's as if you are continuously attacking yourself.
There are 3 main ways to deal with anger- expression, suppression or calm. Generally, healthy expression is the best because it actually releases the physical and emotional reactions. If you are able to express your anger without causing physical or emotional harm to the other person that is a very healthy way to deal with anger. Other forms of expression are physical releases and artistic release. Physically taking a few moments to close yourself in a room and scream, shout, shake, dance, beat a pillow, jump around and let loose is a really powerful release for the nervous system (I talk about this in my post"Shake it off!- Living stress free part 2"). Of course a non-strenuous yoga practice can be a great way to physically release as well!
Learning to calm the anger is also a powerful way of dealing with anger. This is where meditation and relaxation practices come into play. A regular practice of prayer and meditation can change your internal dialogues and understandings so those things that used to make you angry no longer bother you. However if you do face a challenging situation and anger wants to come up on you knowing how to relax and calm yourself by eliciting the bodies natural Relaxation Response can also diffuse the physical reaction in the body as well (check out my post " Relaxation is Action!") .
Suppression of anger is one of the worst ways you can deal or not deal with your anger. Acting as if life is great on the outside but boiling up on the inside is just asking for trouble. As Yoganada states, "To control the external expression of anger while seething within creates an inner vibratory heat that cooks the brain like a baked potato." Suppression of anger is a slow cooker for the nervous system Let alone what it does for your personal and spiritual growth.
Trust me when I tell you this, anger always gets expressed in some form or fashion. You can choose to deal with it through healthy expressions and /or calming relaxation techniques and move on with your life. Or you can suppress it for a time and take your chances for it to show up as a violent outburst, an illness or dis-ease, failed relationships, depression and sadness or an accident. Either way it is going to come out some how. The choice is yours. You can choose to be an active participant in you growth and healing or you can leave it all to chance. You can choose to suffer or you can choose peace.
How do you choose peace? Here are some basic steps you can take so anger doesn't overtake you.
1). Choose love over fear- acknowledge what in the situation you are afraid of
2). Tell the truth- "Tell the truth to yourself about yourself and the truth will set you free."-Iyanla Vanzant
3). Shake it off- besides doing your internal work your nervous system needs a release as well. Shake, scream, dance, take it to your mat, create, move, let loose!
4). Begin a regular prayer/meditation practice.
5). Have a sense of humor- take a long hard look at yourself then have a good ole' laugh at yourself. We all have silly outrageous parts and if we can laugh at our own silliness we have taken a huge step towards healing.
6). Cognitive Restructuring- anger produces words like "always" and/or " never". It also tends to curse and use highly colorful terms to express itself. Instead of saying things like "This #*@! machine never works" Start by changing your language. Realize that the whole world is not out to get you and remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. Then start choosing more positive ways to communicate how you feel. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." (paraphrased from webmed- http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx#)
7). Ask the Divine to heal your perception. Often times it's not the situation or the other person that needs to be fixed but our perception. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you". Matthew 7:7 By asking to heal our perception is to release fear and awaken our true nature. Always whole always loved.
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