Reeeeelllllllaaaaaaxxxxx: How yoga can help resolve anger part 3

 Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. -Bhagavad Gita

For this final entry in resolving anger I want to address the importance of addressing the mental chatter and relaxing the mind.  It all begins with our thoughts. No one can make you feel a certain way without your permission.  Squeeze an orange and you get orange juice.  Squeeze a person who harbors anger and no matter how hard they try to cover it up anger is going to come out in some form or fashion.  Therefore, no one can make you angry, anger starts with your own thoughts.  Change your thoughts and ultimately you change your destiny.

According to human needs psychology there are 6 human needs that every single person on this planet has. These needs can be filled positively or negatively.  Most people will focus on at least  2 of the 6  needs above all others.  Ultimately this focus will direct your life patterns. These needs are:

1) Certainty - the need for stability and comfort
2) Significance- the need to be special and worthy of attention
3) Variety- the need for stimulation and change
4) Love & Connection- the need for connection with others, ultimately to love and be loved
5) Growth- the need to develop and expand
6) Contribution- the need to giving beyond self
(As taken from Robbins Madanes)

Generally speaking if we are angry it is because we feel uncertain or insignificant (fears).  And the quickest way to feel both certain and significant  is to get angry.  When you are angry how certain and/or significant do you feel (1-10)?  Anger is a quick fix. If you recognize this and wish to change, ask yourself this  "What thoughts am I having that are making me feel insignificant and uncertain?" (observation, witnessing, awareness) If you can understand exactly why you are getting angry you can take responsibility for the reason you are blaming someone else. (Robbins Madanes)

In yoga this is dealing with the manomaya kosha. The mind layer of our being.  Generally speaking it is our mind stuff that drives our physical (anamaya kosha) and energetic (pranamaya kosha) bodies.  Once you have sat down and observed, asked, and become aware of the problem then you can begin to address it from a place of truth- and that is what will ultimately set you free. 

After you observed yourself and answered the question begin by changing your physiology- change your body.  Changing the physical way we are representing ourselves in the world also changes our neurological pathways.  Doing a non vigorous yoga practice with awareness and breath can be a great release (the back bends, heart openers ans twist are an added bonus!).  However if you take the anger to the mat or any other exercise and do them vigorously you might just be adding fuel to the fire so be careful.

Second change your mental focus.  Rather than spending all this time focusing on what makes you angry (feel bad, frustrated etc) shift your mind and make yourself think about one thing or several  things that make you joyous, happy, feel ecstasy, and pleasure. Don't just think about it for a second then say "well that didn't work" and move back to anger.  You have to really spend some time there.  Feel it in every cell of your body have the experience all over again. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"-Proverbs 23:7  We are what we think.

Third, watch your words.  Change your language.  I am referring  to cognative restructuring that I mentioned in the last post.  Not using colorful language and dropping the "F-bomb" but really being more creative and thoughtful with how you express yourself, is another way to begin to change your internal dialogue.

Fourth, get over yourself! Focusing on the first four of your needs (certainty, significance, variety, and love & connection) will only take you so far and, unless you are very aware of yourself,  focusing on these needs will often take you in the wrong direction (i.e getting angry to feel significant).  However, if you shift your perspective to focusing on growth and contribution (spiritual) the other four needs will automatically get taken care of! Giving of yourself and growing/evolving as a spiritual being will give you certainty, significance, variety, and love & connection! It's awesome how that works!

Finally, be flexible! Yoga is about growing, being open, exploring, and ultimately union.